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19-Mar-2016 11:35

Sex is emotionally precarious territory for many, wrapped up in body-image worries and disastrous past ridicules.When you invite someone into your bed, you’re also inviting them into the shadowy parts of your brain and heart.And if you had the audacity to sleep with someone else's boyfriend or someone else's husband, of course you're a tempting slut that he just couldn't resist and it's all your fault and karma will getcha and slut slut slut slut slut. Because the answer is—and should always be—fuck those people (but not literally).It is not worth it to be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in you as a person or who places so much emphasis on who else you slept with that he can't notice the person he's sleeping with—or that the person you are currently choosing to sleep with is him.

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Over the past couple years, my number of lifetime sexual partners exploded from two to 17 — and while some people might not consider that a lot, I now self-identify as a “slut” both numerically and ideologically.My point is not to shame more traditional views on love and sex, it’s to emphasize that shaming anyone for how they conduct themselves sexually is rude and antiquated.A woman who’s been married for 30 years can get an STI if her partner has an affair and doesn’t tell her.Secondly, contracting an STI doesn’t make you less of a person. This belief stems from the idea that number of sexual partners directly correlates to a woman’s purity.

That’s why so many girls grow up learning that you should only have sex in a monogamous relationship (preferably after marriage) and even then, you have to make sure you’re deeply in love with him first. Just because I like sex doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in monogamy and love.” And that’s fine!

Look, there are lots of unhappily coupled people, lots of unhappily chaste people, and lots of unhappy people who played by the supposed rules of keeping their knees together and still ended up single. If there's any kind of goal in dating, it is (or should be) to find someone that you like, who likes you and with whom you can have a relationship that works for both of you.